Time for Everything / Kaikella on Aikansa

After all the chaos

When everything shorts out

World around you is in it's perfect place

In perfect harmony

Your whole life flows to the right direction

One pleasant and exiting surprise follows an other

When you wouldn't change a thing

Then

You start the worrying

When does it all end

When comes the first beat

Of the collapse

Why

Am I having all this good

Did I deserve it

Is it away from somebody else

Are you allowed to feel happiness

To enjoy

They say

That when everything is good

When you'r safe and sound in your life

Then comes the old demons

Those whom are buried so deep inside your mind

That you don't probably even know they exist

They live in the deep wounds of your mind

Where is dark

Where you wouldn't wanna go

Ever

But

When your mind decides it is time

When it decides you'r ready

When the moment is right

The wounds open

And reveal the darkness inside

Releases the demons of your past

This all happens without you knowing

Your mind doesn't send you a note

"Hey, btw I'm planning to do this now..."

No

You know it

When you find yourself

On a peaceful evening

Wondering all the good

All the perfect things in your life

And feel sad

Without any obvious reason

And you blame yourself

For being ungrateful bitch

For not being able to enjoy

Wondering

What the fuck is wrong with you

In this place

In this state of mind

Be the loving adult for yourself

Wrap your arms around you

With love and compassion

Ask yourself

What's wrong my dear

Why are you so sad

And then

Listen to yourself

Listen what you have to say

Don't blame

Don't undermine

Be there

Be present

Listen

And maybe

By showing your love

You can help yourself

Heal the wounds

Let them grow scars

Telling your story

The things you have survived

The things that have made you strong

Three Stages of the Camino / Caminon kolme tasoa

Camino Santiago de Compostela

 They say there is three stages on your camino

And one by one you will travel through them all

When or where, no one can tell you

But you will know, when you are there

This is a story of my personal experience
Of those three stages on my camino

First stage – The physical stage

The journey beguines
You will get to know your body

You are finding new things about your body

You will learn your physical limits

You will do things, you didn’t know you are capable of

For me this meant blisters, shin splints, broken knees

And leg pain which kept me awake during the nights

Eventually
I learned to take it easy
But in the hard way

I didn’t want to stop

I wanted to get forward

I could almost see the goal glowing in the horizon

Although there were still over 800 km left and we had just started

I didn’t have time to stop for every wonder I saw on the way

I don’t have time, I’m walking here!

Then God made me stop

I broke my knee in the deep downhill

I didn’t fall

I just didn’t listen to my body

And in the end of the day
I couldn’t step on my foot anymore

The next day I could walk again

Real slowly

We started walking before sunrise
To win some time
But during the morning we saw how people walked past us

Countless bag packs vanishing somewhere ahead of us

Instead of thinking how slowly I was going forward
I started to look what was around me

I stopped for weird plants

I touched and smelled them

There was so much beautiful and amazing things all around
I started to relax

I enjoyed the day a lot

The next morning I was able to walk normally again

But something inside of me had changed
I enjoyed briskly walking 

I stopped more often for wonders

I saw more
I felt more

I wasn't willing to slow down by myself
So God made me slow down

I learned my lesson
And He let me heal

I started to respect the deep downhill’s
And came down real carefully
Knowing my own physical limits
But never giving up
Never losing my faith
Knowing
He will always walk beside me

Second stage – The mental stage

Anyone can recognize the first stage
It beguines on the first day of their camino

But how do you know you have reached the second stage?

We were wondering this with the other pilgrims
And I think I can speak for all of us, when I say

Trust me, you will definitely know when things starts to go mental

For me it started when I cried first time on the camino

Or at least this was the moment I realized it
I had reached the second stage of my camino

There started to be a lot of feelings involved

A lot of conflicts and distress
A lot of mixed and negative energy

For me this was real uneasy stage of my camino

Many times I found myself wondering
When would this end?

My own distressed feelings were bothering me
And I knew
For reaching the spiritual stage

I would have to be above all of this
Of this shit I was throwing around in my head

But how the hell it would be possible?

So I gave up
I accept my feelings
Didn't try to make them disappear

Maybe on my camino there would be only two stages

Third stage – The spiritual stage

We had almost reached the end of the physical camino

Few days and we could say we did it

In these days I realized it

It felt like someone would had turned the lights on

I could see everything more clearly

I could feel the change in my body

I found myself feeling happiness and joy

The distress was still in me

But it didn’t control me anymore

I was feeling happy despite the negative feelings inside me

No more was I looking the world through my distress

It couldn’t control my reactions and words anymore
It didn't have the power

I could observe my reactions inside me

I could choose how I wanted to act

I could choose how I wanted to express myself

I felt free, truly free

Free from myself

In a way

The camino felt longer than just 35 days

It felt like a life time

I knew this would be a life changing experience
God wouldn't lead me on this camino for nothing
But still

I learned more than I was expecting
More about myself, other people and world itself
About life itself

And now
Sitting at home and writing this
I have a feeling
That the learning will continue
A long time after this journey has ended

When I have settled down
Back to my normal life

But for me the normal life won’t be the same anymore

For us who have walked the camino

Our life will be so much more than it used to be

More deeper and more colorful
We had spent a life time away

From this 'normal' world

The people who can truly know the meaning of this

Who have been on the same kind of journey

Shared the camino with you

They can truly understand your experience

After all it feels like
You have already known each other
For a life time

Con mucho cariño a

Bear Family