Keeping Up With the Relationships / Ihmissuhteiden Ylläpidosta

An old friend of mine send me a message

Asking how I was doing

When answering

He explained me

That he was testing how many would answer

How many of his old friends were interested of keeping up the connection

This made me wonder

What is this that prevents us keeping up the connection?

I know myself

I'm lousy at keeping up with my friends

I won't call so often or send message just to ask how they are doing

And my friends know this too

Obviously

I simply feel home by myself

I have always somethings going on

I manage to fill my days with all kind of little things I'm interested of

And even without trying
Honestly

I'm rarely bored

But sometimes it feels lonely too

Not seeing anybody in several days

In the other hand people often also contact me

So my need of connection to other people will fill

Of course those whom do not contact me and wait me to contact will suffer

Years ago I decided to change this behavior

I wanted to be in more connection with the people

Whom had left some kind of mark in my soul during my life

People whom meant something to me

I made a New Years promise

That once a week

I would ask at least one friend to have a coffee with me

And at least once a week

I would ask one far distance friend how he or she was doing

Well

Like all New Year promises

Some weeks I have been able to remember this promise

And some weeks not

What made me forget?

The everyday life

Our days are so full of all kind of little things

That some weeks it feels impossible to find time to have one cup of coffee with a friend

We have time to do the laundry

To read a book

To prepare a meal

Hang out in socialmedia

Worry about the future

Blame oneself about the past

Make deep analyzes why our romantic relationships with men/women are doomed

A lot of time for the little things

That make us say outloud

Oh, I would love to, but I don't have time

But after all

There is always time

Because time is an illusion

Time is an excuse

It is all about prioritizing your time

For what do you want use your time

In nearby relationships

With people whom are somehow related to your everyday life

This is easier

Yes, I can do the dishes later and have a cup of coffee with you today

But with long distance relationships it's harder

You remember the people

How could you even forget them

They have been important part of your everyday life at some point

You will always carry a memory of that time in your heart

And they pop up from deep of your minds memory boxes time to time

When some happening reminds you of them

Or some song, smell, feeling or material thing

In that moment you think of them

Wonder how they are doing and say to yourself

Yes, I need to call them or write a letter

And in the next moment
When the cat is meowing for supper

Or the pasta is boiling over

The thought of calling or writing a letter will vanish from your mind

As suddenly as it had came

I would love to say to myself that I will do better in the future

But I'm also little bit afraid

That I won't manage to keep up my promise to myself this time either

But again if I won't even try

I will never know

And those connections to long distance relationships

That are surviving only with the memory of past time

Will little by little faint away

On the other hand
Some people are only meant to briefly pass by in our life

They will give us something memorable

Guide us to new direction

Give us strength to carry on

And we will always remember them  for that

But maybe they felt it different

Maybe for them it was only a passing moment among others

You never know

What the future holds

But by keeping up with the relationships that mean something to you

You will find out

Which ones are the ones

Meant to last

I encourage you to write or call to somebody dear to you

Just to ask how he or she is doing

And listen them when they tell you

Be present for them

Show them he or she matters

Finders Keep.. Or Is it? / Löytäjä Saa Pitää.. Vai Saako?

Somewhere in Lapland

On the one of my adventures I found this hidden gem

So beautiful

Standing on the meadow

Surrounded by flowers

I assumed this one was abandoned too

Like so many other old house

Sense this one was almost collapsed

Like too many other old house

The door was loosely locked

Again I was wondering

Where goes the line of trespassing

When it is breaking in

And when it is a friendly visit

The law says it is always trespassing when you go in

No matter if the door is open or closed

And I understand this

There is too much people whom don't know how to respect the old house

They brake windows to get in

Make a mess inside

And take all kind of old things with them from the house

For these kinda things there is a simple term

It's called burklary

There is a simple code for people wanting to visit old places

Take only photographes

Leave only foot prints

Simple as that

Then the other thing is

What is 'abandoned'

Old house or cottage that looks like there has been nobody in decades

Can be still somebody's summer house

It would be wise to find out the history of the place

Before you go in

But like me so often

I come a cross with the places by accident

In this case I try to use common sense

I always also ask from the house if I'm welcome

Usually the house welcomes me and shows me the way in

But sometimes not

Then I respect that and continue my way

When I was younger

I was too thirsty for adventures

And too blind to stop and listen

So I made a way to get in this old house

While inside I got this really bad vibes

The whole house was rejecting me

There was a lot of scary stuff

And stuff that where obviously stolen

And I realized there has been somebody

Somebody I wouldn't want to meet

I left the place and never came back

Afterwords I felt bad

I had broke my code and the common code

I had actually done something that wasn't fun anymore

So you live, you learn

I never posted the pics from that house anywhere

and I never will

So now I was standing on one door again

Asking if I'm welcome

This time I was

The house was in a really bad shape

The basement was totally collapsed

I was stepping super carefully on the floor

Numbers at the house base stonewall tells that the house has been build 1938-50

Note on the bench tells that somebody has been visiting the owner 1983

Latest newspaper was the Hufvudstadsbladet from 1994

From the internet I couldn't find any information about the house

So it remains a mystery house for me

Exploring the main floor is always nice and exiting

But going higher or lower is always a bit scary

Especially if the house can collapse in any minute

Do you rather get burried

Or take a leap of faith with the upstairs floor

This is always a nice mind game to play alone in the spooky old house

This time also there was no ghosts making them selves visible for me

Not even afterwords from the pictures

Which is also kinda spooky when you see something in the pic

That wasn't there when taking the pic

So this seemed very peaceful house

It just stands there in the middle of the flower meadow

With the bright colors little by little fainting from it's walls

I'm not going to reveal the location of this place

So let just say it is somewhere in Lapland

Local people probably know the place already

Sense I definitely wan't the first one visiting there

(Some ladies had typed on the piece of paper that they were here)

But I hope you will enjoy the beautiness of this old house through my pictures

And maybe understand why I sometimes bend the law for the pics and stories

Time for Everything / Kaikella on Aikansa

After all the chaos

When everything shorts out

World around you is in it's perfect place

In perfect harmony

Your whole life flows to the right direction

One pleasant and exiting surprise follows an other

When you wouldn't change a thing

Then

You start the worrying

When does it all end

When comes the first beat

Of the collapse

Why

Am I having all this good

Did I deserve it

Is it away from somebody else

Are you allowed to feel happiness

To enjoy

They say

That when everything is good

When you'r safe and sound in your life

Then comes the old demons

Those whom are buried so deep inside your mind

That you don't probably even know they exist

They live in the deep wounds of your mind

Where is dark

Where you wouldn't wanna go

Ever

But

When your mind decides it is time

When it decides you'r ready

When the moment is right

The wounds open

And reveal the darkness inside

Releases the demons of your past

This all happens without you knowing

Your mind doesn't send you a note

"Hey, btw I'm planning to do this now..."

No

You know it

When you find yourself

On a peaceful evening

Wondering all the good

All the perfect things in your life

And feel sad

Without any obvious reason

And you blame yourself

For being ungrateful bitch

For not being able to enjoy

Wondering

What the fuck is wrong with you

In this place

In this state of mind

Be the loving adult for yourself

Wrap your arms around you

With love and compassion

Ask yourself

What's wrong my dear

Why are you so sad

And then

Listen to yourself

Listen what you have to say

Don't blame

Don't undermine

Be there

Be present

Listen

And maybe

By showing your love

You can help yourself

Heal the wounds

Let them grow scars

Telling your story

The things you have survived

The things that have made you strong

Haaveiden alttarilla / The Altar of Dreams

Odotin

Kiltisti

Pitkään ja hartaasti

Mielikuvissa alttarin rakensin

Siihen meidät sovittelin

Kokonaisen elämän

Elävänä kuvana näin

Hän ehdotti elokuvaa

Sopii!

Kuulostaa kivalta

Pettymys

Hänen olisi pitänyt

Ehdottaa yhteistä elämää

Lapsia ja hääkuvaa

Kaikkea sitä

Minkä jo odotellessani

Rakkauden alttarille maalailin

Verellämme

Ääriviivat hahmottelin

Elokuvaa

Voiko tylsempää ollakaan

Kolmansilla treffeillä

Toivoisi jo jotain suurempaa

Haaveita koskettavaa

Kasvavia odotuksia täyttämään

The Castle Mountain / Linnavuori

Ikoinniemi, Savonlinna

For a long time I have been looking this place on a map

The Castle Mountain

Actually just one of them

There is about 90 places in Finland called as Castle Mountain

Seven of them here in Southern Savo

Some of them have actually served as Iron Age fortresses

Lookout places for enemies

At some of the places they have found evidences about this

But some of the places have just the name

I visited one of these Castle Mountains

Here in Ikoniemi there is no evidence about ancient fortress being here

But for my opinion this has been a perfect lookout place 

The dirt road was so small and curvy

That I was really glad to have my new adventure partner  with me

This being my 4wd car

I just love it

The "parking area" was just a small wider spot by the road

And the path that was supposed to start from the "parking area"

Was so unused that I couldn't find it at first

It had been taken over by the Lilys of the valley

Nice

This kinda places I like

The hidden gems

 It was super hot summer day

I love the smell of the pine tree forests

They smell like home

Like a childhood summers

It's so quiet and peaceful

Only the Whooper swans disagree

At the nearby bay there is some kind of swan mayhem going on

National bird of Finland negotiating who was on that bay first
I would see this noise as a part
Of this kinda national and cultural view

Like Common Gull or Arctic Loon

I try to step carefully on the super dry lichen
Which seems to grow everywhere here
Funny plants these liches
On  rainy day they are like sponges
Soft and elastic
And now in this sudden heatwave
They are crispy and crunchy
And break easily

I also record that
It has been way too long sense my last adventure
Should remember to do this more often
Refill my batteries
Enjoy the moment

I didn't find either any signs about the Iron Age Fortress being here
Two stone piles on the top
Turn out to be some thing that tourists and visitors make when they visit here
It's apparently common to bring your own stone to the pile
I just wonder why so many people carry stones with them?
And I was thinking if the binoculars are too heavy to take with
Jeesus

Definitely worth visiting

Like so many places are

Now I just want to find those six other Castle Mountains

But that's a matter of some other day

Rakkauden Sirpaleet / Shards of Love

Ulkopuolinen

Erilainen

Yksinäinen

Sellaiseksi tein itseni

Suojellakseni

Välttyäkseni

Selviytyäkseni

Vuosien jälkeen

Siltikin

Kaipaan

Syvempää yhteyttä

Edelleen

Haluaisin juosta

Mahdollisimman kauas

Pakoon

Itseäni

He ovat

Parasta mitä minulla on

He ovat

Pahinta mitä minussa on

Heidän vuokseen

Olen rikki

Heidän vuokseen

Olen rakastettu

He tekivät minusta minut

Loivat haasteet olemiselleni

He rakastavat minua

Sellaisena kuin olen

He särkivät minut

Ennen kuin sitä tiesivät

Ennen kuin tiesin voivani särkyä

Ojensivat liiman

Jolla opettelin korjaamaan itseni

Saman liiman

Jolla itsensä korjasivat

Kun heidät lapsena särjettiin

Sirpaleet eivät tuo onnea

Kauniin sekavaa mosaiikkia

Pala palalta hahmottaa

Itseään rakentaa

Hauraasti kohoaa

Omille jaloille seisomaan

Antaa valon koskettaa

Säröistämme

Valo loistaa sisään

Säröistämme

Rakkaus pääsee sisään

Meidät yhteen palauttaa

Happy to be alone / Yksinäisyyden onni

Uneksin kuinka vehtaamme sängyssä poikaystäväni kanssa.

Onko sänky minun vai meidän, siihen en osaa vastata.

Todennäköisesti minun, tännehän ne aina lopulta loisivat.

Hän ei myöskään ole mieheni.

Eikä varsinaisesti fyysisesti muistuta ketään entisistäni poikaystävistäni.

Miehiähän minä en voi edes hyvällä tahdolla sanoa minulla olleen.

Siis tämä oli taas joku random dude.

Jonka kanssi yritin leikkiä kotia.

Kummankaan meistä ymmärtämättä leikin sääntöjä.

Joka tapauksessa.

Olimme siis pelehtimässä hyvällä fiiliksellä.

Kunnes kävi se klassinen ja tajusin valtavan pissahädän pingoittavan rakkoani.

Totesin, että nyt on pakko pissiä ja pinkaisin vessaan.

Kuulin pojan jupisevan ja tuhisevan.

"Jaahas, eiköhän tää ollut sitten tässä!"

Ja alkavan pukeutua.

Hihkaisen vessasta, että kyllä mie pesen itteni, elä huoli.

kohta oon puhtaampi ku aloitettaessa!

Mutta poika vain jatkaa loukkaantunutta tuhahteluaan

Ja painelee täysissä pukeissa vessan oven ohitse.

Tuijotan hetken eteeni koittaen sisäistää mitä juuri tapahtui.

Seuraavaksi tunnen kuinka kiukku ja ärsytys alkavat nousta ohimoilleni.

Eihän se nyt noin voi käyttäytyä!

Ei tämän näin kuulu mennä!

Etsin jotain, jolla verhota itseni.

Löydän pojan istumasta keittiönpöydän äärestä.

Hän tuijottelee ulos ikkunasta.

Ei noteeraa mitenkään läsnäoloani.

Nyt leikitään ilmeisesti mykkäkoulua.

Tässä kohtaa herään.

Tuijotan kattolautoja kiukun edelleen kupliessa sisälläni.

Ärsyttävä uni ja ärsyttävä kiukun tunne.

Inhoan sitä kun olen kiukkuinen.

Kiukkuisena olen aina jotenkin poissa tolaltani.

Kuin jotain minussa olisi nyrjähtänyt väärään asentoon.

Mietin untani.

Ärsyttävä kakara.

Oli vain odottanut sopivaa hetkeä.

Että tekisin jotain, mitä vaan, josta hän voisi pahoittaa mielensä.

Ja mitä minäkin menin sillä lailla tuohtumaan.

Jos toinen ei enään keskeytyksen jälkeen halua jatkaa hommia niin so be it.

Klassinen tapaus, jossa toinen reagoi toisen reaktioon.

Molemmat kipuilevat toisen kipua.

Yritän ravistella sisintäni takaisin sijoilleen.

Katseeni osuu yöpöydälläni olevaan puoliksi syötyyn suklaapalaan.

Minua alkaa väkisinkin hymyilyttämään.

Jos joku nyt näkisi suklaapalan tietämättä,

että se jäi siihen eilen iltapäivällä,

kun rauhallinen tee-suklaa-hetkeni keskeytettiin brutaalisti puhelulla,

voisi tuo joku luulla, että olen yksi niistä sokeri-addikteista,

jotka mutustavat suklaata unissaankin.

Onneksi kukaan ei ole luulemassa niin.

Nousen ylös ja laitan tee-veden kiehumaan.

Toivoen sen sulattavan pois viime yön epämiellyttävät tuntemukset,

jotka edelleen kummittelevat kehossani.

Tämä on taas yksi niistä aamuista,

kun olen niin monella tasolla onnellinen siitä,

että olen yksin.